If you are not Shannon Hale (and let’s face it, most of you aren’t), let me explain this post. Shannon Hale is a Newbery Honor-winning author of books for adolescents and adults. She also happens to be LDS like me, and like many of you. One of her latest books, The Actor and the Housewife, is the story of a Mormon housewife from
Dear Ms. Hale,
We are six
Rebecca
Height:
5’9” in her favorite heels
Build:
Working on her Maria Sharapova tennis body
Age:
4th anniversary of her 29th birthday
Born:
Resides:
In the “Enchanted Manor” in the heart of Castle Hills (model A3—all 756 sq ft)
Marital Status:
Single; last date was with a man old enough to be her father; still holding out hope her husband didn’t die in the war in heaven
Memorable roles:
Sister Bertha (disgruntled singing nun in her high school musical’s version of the Sound of Music), glorified babysitter and distributor of historical facts at local high school
Best Features:
Shocking red hair and sexy freckled legs
Readers’ Rating (of her Jell-o):
Jiggly Smooth
Height:
5'5'' on a good day
Build:
Small, but well-padded
Age:
33
Born:
Resides:
In 2600 square feet of tract home heaven, deep in the heart of
Marital Status:
On the verge of celebrating a decade of wedded bliss
Memorable roles:
Reader of bedtime stories, obsessive shell seeker, and She-Who-Dazzles-With-Baked-Goods
Best Features:
The crookedness of her grin, her Spock ear, and her alluring finger-toes
Celebrity Crush:
Paul Newman (whom she fully expects to meet in the hereafter)
Readers' Rating (of her Thanksgiving pie selection):
Mmm, Mmm, Good!
Height:
5’8” (okay, really 5’7 ½”, but does the DMV really check this stuff?)
Build:
Baby’s got back
Age:
34
Born:
Resides:
In a perfect two level home located in a cul-de-sac where the kids can and do roam unsupervised (hopefully they have clothes on)
Marital Status:
Happily married to a very hard-workin’, hot man who saves lives daily (a physician)
Memorable roles:
Gestator. lactator, star main dancer in a modern dance piece when 38-weeks pregnant (in a purple and pink unitard), and She-Who-Can-Throw-Together-A-Children’s-Sacrament-Meeting-Program-In-Her-Sleep.
Best Features:
A huge smile that inexplicably shows more gums than teeth
Celebrity Crush:
Hugh Jackman. Any one who can sing and dance and looks like THAT!!? Ouch!
Readers' Rating (of her Whole Wheat Bread):
Luscious and the Best in the Lone
Height:
5’3” - “Though she be but little, she is fierce”-Shakespeare
Build:
Petite, or so her mother says and insists she shop in that section
Age:
26
Born:
Resides:
In a cozy 1964 red brick home with black shutters, shaded from the sweltering
Marital Status:
Considered a 6-year newlywed
Memorable roles:
Best wacky song artist of 2009, family paparazzi, and She-Who-Always- Needs-A-Special-Treat
Best Features:
Her sparkly brown eyes, tiny bony ankles, and the freckle on the tip of her nose
Celebrity Crush:
According to online quiz: Ryan Reynolds
Readers' Rating (of her OREO Shakes):
Height:
5’7 ½” (but who’s counting that ½”?)
Build:
Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice
Age:
3(cough)4??? Already?
Born:
Resides:
In a cute one level 1500 square foot tiled home where peace and quiet don’t exist…
Marital Status:
Happily married to a jack-of-all-trades guy
Memorable roles:
Fastest activity chairman/planner in the west (2 weeks to put on a Christmas dinner), accidental flasher on a cruise ship, blogger extraordinaire, She-Who-Tells-Her-Girls-“Tell-Your-Sister-You’re-SORRY!!”-ALL-THE-TIME!
Best Features:
Her dazzling blue/gray chameleon eyes: they change color in a flash depending on what she wears and by how she feels…. Watch out James Bond
Celebrity Crush:
He’s old enough to be her father, but
Readers' Rating (of her photography):
Oooohhhh. . . aaahhhhh. . . gasp. . .
Height:
5’9” unless slouching to give husband the illusion that he’s as tall as his wife
Build:
Built to last
Age:
Who’s counting?
Born:
Resides:
In a “pointy” (as described by a 7-year-old) 70’s era home featuring a hot pink front door
Marital Status:
Blissfully married and keeping it that way
Memorable roles:
Alto unsuccessfully impersonating a soprano, facial ventriloquist (can suppress a yawn and display captivated interest simultaneously), and yard sale junkie
Best Features:
Smiley blue eyes and crow’s feet to prove it
Celebrity Crush:
Charlton Heston, a man with priorities: wife, guns, and the Ten Commandments
Readers' Rating (of her flower garden):
Lovely and Fragrant!
We all read The Actor and the Housewife and then got together on the only night in November that worked for all of us to eat treats and discuss. We all brought whatever we had on hand for ice cream sundaes and had us a party! The discussion was lively. One friend admitted that if her celebrity crush had asked to kiss her on the steps of the state capitol, she would have said, “Heck, yes!” We loved the character of Becky Jack, a realistic Mormon woman in a real world, complete with bad words, tattoos, alcohol, and genuine trials of faith. The story is fantastical, but the themes are universal: What do you do when you know what is right for you but everyone tells you it is wrong? What is love? What is friendship? How do you balance loyalty to self and to all those who depend on you? We all related to Becky in our own way, and her challenges resonated with each of us. Thank you for writing a book about an LDS character that is neither cynical nor sugar-coated. Thank you for your delightful prose which made us laugh out loud one moment and broke our hearts the next. Thank you so much for letting us see a ward potluck through Felix’s eyes! And most of all, many thanks for creating this contest and giving us the chance to put this together for you. We have had a great time.
Your appreciative readers,
Rebecca, Katie, Mandi, Jen, Amy, and Debbie
P.S. We will be having a follow-up night out to hear about some of the previously undisclosed information in the Readers' Polls--Amy, you seriously flashed someone?!
