For Shannon Hale

If you are not Shannon Hale (and let’s face it, most of you aren’t), let me explain this post. Shannon Hale is a Newbery Honor-winning author of books for adolescents and adults. She also happens to be LDS like me, and like many of you. One of her latest books, The Actor and the Housewife, is the story of a Mormon housewife from Layton, Utah who meets and subsequently becomes the best friend of her biggest Hollywood crush. It is hilarious, heartbreaking, and thought-provoking, and I highly recommend you read it! Ms. Hale announced a contest in conjunction with the book’s release, and the following is the entry that my book club and I came up with. Bon appétit!

Dear Ms. Hale,

We are six Texas transplants, five of us married, four with kids, all LDS—including one Relief Society president (bless her!). Let us introduce ourselves by way of our Readers’ Polls:

Rebecca

Height:

5’9” in her favorite heels

Build:

Working on her Maria Sharapova tennis body

Age:

4^th anniversary of her 29^th birthday

Born:

Ft. Bragg, North Carolina

Resides:

In the “Enchanted Manor” in the heart of Castle Hills (model A3—all 756 sq ft)

Marital Status:

Single; last date was with a man old enough to be her father; still holding out hope her husband didn’t die in the war in heaven

Memorable roles:

Sister Bertha (disgruntled singing nun in her high school musical’s version of the Sound of Music), glorified babysitter and distributor of historical facts at local high school

Best Features:

Shocking red hair and sexy freckled legs

Readers’ Rating (of her Jell-o):

Jiggly Smooth

Katie

Height:

5'5'' on a good day

Build:

Small, but well-padded

Age:

33

Born:

Walnut Creek, California

Resides:

In 2600 square feet of tract home heaven, deep in the heart of San Antonio, Texas, in a neighborhood where opossums eat the cat food on the back porch and deer casually roam the sidewalks

Marital Status:

On the verge of celebrating a decade of wedded bliss

Memorable roles:

Reader of bedtime stories, obsessive shell seeker, and She-Who-Dazzles-With-Baked-Goods

Best Features:

The crookedness of her grin, her Spock ear, and her alluring finger-toes

Celebrity Crush:

Paul Newman (whom she fully expects to meet in the hereafter)

Readers' Rating (of her Thanksgiving pie selection):

Mmm, Mmm, Good!

Mandi

Height:

5’8” (okay, really 5’7 ½”, but does the DMV really check this stuff?)

Build:

Baby’s got back

Age:

34

Born:

Tucson, AZ: the land of saguaros and brown as far as the eye can see, and where mansions and trailer homes share the same street address

Resides:

In a perfect two level home located in a cul-de-sac where the kids can and do roam unsupervised (hopefully they have clothes on)

Marital Status:

Happily married to a very hard-workin’, hot man who saves lives daily (a physician)

Memorable roles:

Gestator. lactator, star main dancer in a modern dance piece when 38-weeks pregnant (in a purple and pink unitard), and She-Who-Can-Throw-Together-A-Children’s-Sacrament-Meeting-Program-In-Her-Sleep.

Best Features:

A huge smile that inexplicably shows more gums than teeth

Celebrity Crush:

Hugh Jackman. Any one who can sing and dance and looks like THAT!!? Ouch!

Readers' Rating (of her Whole Wheat Bread):

Luscious and the Best in the Lone Star State

Jen

Height:

5’3” - “Though she be but little, she is fierce”-Shakespeare

Build:

Petite, or so her mother says and insists she shop in that section

Age:

26

Born:

Orem, Utah

Resides:

In a cozy 1964 red brick home with black shutters, shaded from the sweltering Texas heat by giant hardy oaks

Marital Status:

Considered a 6-year newlywed

Memorable roles:

Best wacky song artist of 2009, family paparazzi, and She-Who-Always- Needs-A-Special-Treat

Best Features:

Her sparkly brown eyes, tiny bony ankles, and the freckle on the tip of her nose

Celebrity Crush:

According to online quiz: Ryan Reynolds

Readers' Rating (of her OREO Shakes):

America’s Favorite!

Amy

Height:

5’7 ½” (but who’s counting that ½”?)

Build:

Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice

Age:

3(cough)4??? Already?

Born:

Watonga, Oklahoma

Resides:

In a cute one level 1500 square foot tiled home where peace and quiet don’t exist…

Marital Status:

Happily married to a jack-of-all-trades guy

Memorable roles:

Fastest activity chairman/planner in the west (2 weeks to put on a Christmas dinner), accidental flasher on a cruise ship, blogger extraordinaire, She-Who-Tells-Her-Girls-“Tell-Your-Sister-You’re-SORRY!!”-ALL-THE-TIME!

Best Features:

Her dazzling blue/gray chameleon eyes: they change color in a flash depending on what she wears and by how she feels…. Watch out James Bond

Celebrity Crush:

He’s old enough to be her father, but George Strait has her heart

Readers' Rating (of her photography):

Oooohhhh. . . aaahhhhh. . . gasp. . .

Debbie

Height:

5’9” unless slouching to give husband the illusion that he’s as tall as his wife

Build:

Built to last

Age:

Who’s counting?

Born:

Ogden, UT

Resides:

In a “pointy” (as described by a 7-year-old) 70’s era home featuring a hot pink front door

Marital Status:

Blissfully married and keeping it that way

Memorable roles:

Alto unsuccessfully impersonating a soprano, facial ventriloquist (can suppress a yawn and display captivated interest simultaneously), and yard sale junkie

Best Features:

Smiley blue eyes and crow’s feet to prove it

Celebrity Crush:

Charlton Heston, a man with priorities: wife, guns, and the Ten Commandments

Readers' Rating (of her flower garden):

Lovely and Fragrant!

We all read The Actor and the Housewife and then got together on the only night in November that worked for all of us to eat treats and discuss. We all brought whatever we had on hand for ice cream sundaes and had us a party! The discussion was lively. One friend admitted that if her celebrity crush had asked to kiss her on the steps of the state capitol, she would have said, “Heck, yes!” We loved the character of Becky Jack, a realistic Mormon woman in a real world, complete with bad words, tattoos, alcohol, and genuine trials of faith. The story is fantastical, but the themes are universal: What do you do when you know what is right for you but everyone tells you it is wrong? What is love? What is friendship? How do you balance loyalty to self and to all those who depend on you? We all related to Becky in our own way, and her challenges resonated with each of us. Thank you for writing a book about an LDS character that is neither cynical nor sugar-coated. Thank you for your delightful prose which made us laugh out loud one moment and broke our hearts the next. Thank you so much for letting us see a ward potluck through Felix’s eyes! And most of all, many thanks for creating this contest and giving us the chance to put this together for you. We have had a great time.

Your appreciative readers,

Rebecca, Katie, Mandi, Jen, Amy, and Debbie

P.S. We will be having a follow-up night out to hear about some of the previously undisclosed information in the Readers' Polls--Amy, you seriously flashed someone?!